Susan came in for our first session, plopped down on the couch, and with a grave expression said flatly, “I have cancer. My doctor thought I should talk to someone.”
I could see the consternation on her face as she told me the details of her health journey. Susan was 60-years old, a teacher, a wife and a mother. She exercised, ate healthy, traveled, enjoyed social events. She had a very full life until six months ago, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to have a mastectomy.
At the time of our first meeting, she was still undergoing chemotherapy. The chemotherapy affected her energy level, but her doctor thought the fatigue was being exacerbated by an underlying depression. After talking with her, I knew her doctor was right.
Our mind and body share an intimate relationship. We’re always trying to separate them to understand how each function, but they’re inseparable. I felt that Susan’s helplessness — the feeling of not having any control was leading her to not take control over aspects of her situations that she did have some power over.
She had the power to remain optimistic and to push herself to keep living her life. I needed to help her find the will to keep living and the resilience to adjust to her new circumstances.
Life is fragile. Things can change in an instant. Our best ally in dealing with the randomness of life is our mind’s power to think the thoughts that we choose. We can choose our attitude. And this makes a very big difference, not only in the emotional quality of life, but in some instances, the physical quality as well.
The Will to Keep Going
Desire and motivation to push through adversity requires will. We can’t simply want to be better or get better, we have to push ourselves, will ourselves, toward it. And sometimes we have to do this even when the circumstances aren’t good.
I am reminded of a patient I had worked with a few years ago who embodied strong will and was able to carry on with a relatively normal life despite the diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. Aileen was diagnosed with MS when she was 44-years old. When I met with her, she was 69-years old, still worked full time and maintained an active lifestyle. Aileen suffered from chronic pain in her extremities, which limited her mobility and caused fatigue. Instead of feeling victimized and controlled by her symptoms, she pushed herself to keep moving forward the best that she could. Aileen was a testament to will. She grabbed hold of her life and pushed herself to live it. At 69, even with difficult symptoms, she sustained an activity level of someone 20 years younger.
With Aileen in mind, I asked Rahul Patel, DPM, Podiatric Foot and Ankle Surgeon in New York, about his experience with his patients, and how he inspired their will to persevere.
He told me, “I have had many patients throughout the years who have refused to allow the sudden onset of diseases to defeat or define them. Patients, for instance, who have presented with emergent limb and life-threatening infections have, generally speaking, been keen to tackle their unforeseen circumstances knowing that I am there with them every step of the way.” Adding that, “In many cases, there is a renewed vigor with this team concept between doctor and patient to defeat the disease even after what may be an initial period of sadness, anger or frustration.”
Contrary to a person with the will to be the best that they can be, is someone who feels victim to their symptoms. This is never good. The feeling of being a victim renders people helpless to take control over any aspect of their condition. When this happens, depression, rage, and helplessness predominant, oft times exacerbating physical symptoms.
This could be as dramatic as the difference between someone like Aileen who pushed herself despite limitations, and someone with the same condition who becomes hopeless and winds up on disability. This is not say that people can push through and recover because they believe they can, but more so, the will to keep going and not to give in, does help someone’s quality of life and their ability to surpass some limitations.
As Dr. Patel explained, it’s important to choose a doctor who’s willing to work with you psychologically as well as physically. Patients respond better when health care providers foster their emotional desire and will to undergo treatments and to take control over the aspects of the illness that they do have control over. Working together helps patients be more resilient.
Resilience Gives Us Back Control
I needed to work with Susan and her doctor to help her develop the will to push through this difficult experience. I needed to help her be more resilient. Resilience is the ability to adapt to life stressors, trauma or other adversity. By fostering resilience, we can help someone take more control over their life and develop the will to keep going.
In Susan’s case, her will was usurped by the idea that the disease had full control over her outcome. Nothing she did would change anything, so why should she make an effort. In some cases, unfortunately, the disease does have a lot of the control. The chemotherapy did affect the quality of her life, true. But she also allowed it to take away any choices that she did have.
I asked Christine Cyriacks, L.Ac., DTOM, Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine, about her experience with resilience and outcome. She explained, “After being in practice for 16 years, the most predominant character trait I’ve observed that predicts a person’s ability to heal is resilience. And, resilience is directly related to one’s perspective, one’s willingness to change and one’s ability to adjust to circumstances.” She further imparted, “Patients have to have the will to be better and not become too attached to their symptoms.”
I had to help Susan shift her perspective. She needed to see herself as more than someone who was sick; she was someone who could face this challenge, adapt to the changes that had to be made (as painful as the reality was that she had to slow down), and find ways to continue life the very best that she could. We talked about her helplessness and her fears. We worked on shifting her perspective from what she didn’t have control over to what she did. Feeling some sense of control empowers people. Susan returned to the gym and to her social activities. Slowly, she began to show the will to keep going in the face of adversity. Remarkably, she did report increased energy and feeling more hopeful.
This isn’t always the case, though. I have worked with people who, for one reason or another, are unable to sustain will in the face of illness. It’s devastating to be diagnosed with any sort of life-changing illness. There’s always a feeling of anger and helpless. This is a normal reaction. But we have to remember that life is hard and the will to keep going and the resilience to adjust to abrupt and painful life changes is the only thing we really have control over.
Along with the help of health care providers, family and friends, garnering these emotional resources not only helps psychologically, it can have a positive impact on our physical health.
Editor’s note: Susan and Aileen’s names were changed to protect their anonymity.
