According to the most recent U.S. Census (2013), there are over 7 million unmarried-partner households in the country (over 570,000 of which are same-sex households). As they head out to celebrate Valentine’s Day, unwed couples might find themselves once again grappling with what to call their romantic partners. After all, “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” seems like a remarkably juvenile way to describe a mature adult. But what’s a better alternative?
How Not to Describe Your Sweetie
Personally, I’ve experimented with several labels for my longtime love. Some have turned out better than others. Recently, for example, I was chatting with a casual acquaintance when I referred to him as my “fiancé for life” in what I thought was a breezy manner.
The result was gale-force questioning: “What’s the matter with him? Is he stringing you along? Don’t you want to get married?” For the record, the answers are nothing, no and someday — but that was way more information than I had planned to share. Consequently, the first time I said “fiancé for life” also proved to be the last.
Other terms that probably deserve to be tossed into the scrapheap include: lover (too explicitly sexual), special friend (too ambiguous), and old man/old lady (too on the nose after a certain age).
What to Call Your Perfect Match
Fortunately, the English language offers lots of synonyms for a romantic partner, many of which work quite well for older adults. The best choice for you depends on the seriousness of your relationship, the formality of the situation and your personal preferences.
Here are eight options to consider, ranked from most pragmatic to most romantic:
1. Significant other (SO, for short).
This term is handy for filling out forms that ask you to specify your relationship. Spoken out loud, however, it sounds cold and stilted. The best that can be said is that it’s better than being someone’s insignificant other.
2. Partner.
This is the word du jour for introducing the person with whom you’re in a committed, unmarried relationship. It’s a good choice for more formal situations. Just make sure that your meaning is clear from the context. Do you share your lives, run a business or play doubles tennis together?
3. Better half.
This folksy phrase may sound a bit corny, but it’s also sweetly complimentary to the other person. Plus, it implies commitment, because you’re referring to yourselves as two halves of a whole couple.
4. My guy/girl.
This expression is similar to boyfriend or girlfriend, but it doesn’t sound quite as much like a grade school crush. It connotes young love — and doesn’t being in love make us all feel young at heart?
5. Beau or sweetheart.
These sentimental words evoke a more genteel time. Don’t overdo the old-fashioned vocabulary, however. Referring to a man as your “suitor” may be fun. But calling him your “swain” is just going to make people think he’s a swine.
6. Mate.
Used in a romantic context, this word implies that you’re paired up long-term — perhaps for life. “Soul mate” raises the stakes even higher, suggesting that you’re perfectly in sync on every level. Calling someone your soul mate is so intimate that it’s a little cringe-worthy in ordinary conversation. But it might be just right for pillow talk.
7. Fiancé/fiancée.
Using this term announces to the world that you plan on spending the rest of your lives together. It also invites a lot of questions, however, so be prepared. If you haven’t actually set a definite wedding date, people will demand to know why.
8. Love of my life.
Ahh. You can’t top this one.
